He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
