We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
