tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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