my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
