you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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