U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
