she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
