Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
