I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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