Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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