I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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