then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
