Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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