it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This house was built for laser tag.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
