apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
