Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
