Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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