so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
