Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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