Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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