i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
