Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
