As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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