Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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