my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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