the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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