Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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