every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
