Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
