I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
