Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
