Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
