If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
