Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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