mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
