In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
