my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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