Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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