when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
