I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
