I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
