think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
