I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Someone came in the potted fern
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
