The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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