Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
