return my video game
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
