note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
