I am midnight drunk by noon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
