i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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