I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
