dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
