Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
