I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
